I was reading Charles Swindoll’s top 10 Leadership Lessons and was struck by his humbling view of leadership. Take a moment and meditate upon these top 10 leadership lessons. Are they all prevelant in your life? Are you open? Have you been crushed? Does your attitude turn people off to the good news of Jesus?

October 9, 2009

Chuck Swindoll’s 10 Lifetime Leadership Lessons

by Drew Dyck

Chuck Swindoll was given a Lifetime Achievement Award at Catalyst 09, and spoke on “10 Things I Have Learned During Nearly 50 Years in Leadership”:

1) It’s lonely to lead. Leadership involves tough decisions. The tougher the decision, the lonelier it is.
2) It’s dangerous to succeed. I’m most concerned for those who aren’t even 30 and are very gifted and successful. Sometimes God uses someone right out of youth, but usually he uses leaders who have been crushed
3) It’s hardest at home. No one ever told me this in Seminary.
4) It’s essential to be real. If there’s one realm where phoniness is common, it’s among leaders. Stay real.
5) It’s painful to obey. The Lord will direct you to do some things that won’t be your choice. Invariably you will give up what you want to do for the cross.
6) Brokenness and failure are necessary.
7) Attititude is more important than actions. Your family may not have told you: some of you are hard to be around. A bad attitude overshadows good actions.
8 ) Integrity eclipse image. Today we highlight image. But it’s what you’re doing behind the scenes.
9) God’s way is better than my way.
10) Christlikeness begins and ends with humility.

Are you a “know-it-all” parent? Have you ever been humbled by your kid(s)? If you have never been humbled by your children, then you are an arrogant parent. Did I step on some toes? I hope so. Far to often we as parents attach our self-worth to our children. We push them to do the things that make us look good and overlook their developmental stages. There is something special about being a parent, which should strike a cord in us.

Jesus tells us that unless we come to him as a child then, we have not come to him at all (Matthew 18:1-6). Can you imagine what the parents had to be thinking? “Really? Them, Jesus”? They had to be thinking that they had it more together than a child. This verse should make us stop and wonder about our relationship with Jesus and our relationship to our children.

One of the special gifts that children often posses is their ability to ask for help. My children have no problem asking the “why” questions, or the questions that many of us take for granted. I am often humbled by the questions my children ask. Far to often I don’t even stop to think, “Why did they ask that?, or consider the driving force behind their question. Many times parents like to think they have it all together. Show me a parent that does not ask other parents for help or advice and I will show you a parent trying to play “superman” or one who thinks they are too good for wise counsel.

You might think that this is a little harsh.  I’ve seen in myself too many times that arrogance keeps me from seeking godly counsel from those who have gone before me. All throughout Scripture we see parents passing on key information on how to raise children. From where did they learn this key information? They were taught by their parents, and then they passed it on to their children and future generations. Only the arrogant person refuses to listen to those who have gone before them (Proverbs 4:7). I understand that there are some very bad parents in this world, but let that not be our excuse for not seeking godly counsel on how to raise our children.  I have been more humbled and died to self more through my short journey in parenthood than any other event(s) in my life. Allow me to encourage you to take a few steps as a parent that will benefit your children, as well as you as a parent.

1. Find a wise godly parent who has gone before you, humble yourself, and meet with them monthly, asking them questions on the different stages of your child. (Hint: Most people don’t listen to parenting advice from someone who acts like they have it all together)

2. As a family, set goals and priorities about which godly characteristic you want to instill within your child. Be simplistic.

3. Pray with your spouse for your children. Highlight those certain areas you have targeted as priority.

4. HAVE FUN with your child. There is so much pressure on children these days to grow up and become something. Allow them to see your joy in the Lord and not the hammer of approval all the time. They are, after all, children, and life is a process. Heck, many of us adults still act like spoiled children. Let them have that child-like faith in Jesus. Don’t quench it.

The other day I had an issue with one of my children talking back to me. As a parent, it is easy to take a shortcut and just immediately ground them or send them right away for their action. Allow me to share a blog from a man who has inspired me to be a better worker and father. Dr. Bob Barnes takes us through some practical steps of how to properly and successfully deal with a child who talks back. Take a moment and read these words of wisdom below.

As previously stated, you have a challenge with you eight year old talking back.  The first step is the parental staff meeting.  A meeting of the parents or parent to think through this behavior.

First: Is this a behavior we need to deal with: Yes.

Second: What is a corrective consequence for this behavior?

In our staff meeting we decided that we would respond to talking back by having the child sit at the kitchen table and write a fifty-word note of apology.

First step in the I.C.E. plan is the “I” for Instruction.

“Torrey, Mom and I have noticed that you have a tendency to talk back to us when you don’t like the decisions we are making.  Last night when we said that you needed to pick up those things on the floor and then it’s time to go get you shower, you responded by …” Help the child understand what talking back is.

From now on we’re going to help you not talk back.  If you start talking back one of us is going to give you a warning by holding up a finger.  If you stop, awesome!  If you don’t there will be a consequence.

Second step is the “C” for consequence…announcing the consequence.  “If you continue to talk back, even after the warning, you will end up sitting at the kitchen table writing a fifty word note of apology.”

Count on it.  Your child is awesome.  They will continue to talk back.  My daughter spends a couple hours sitting at the kitchen table one night with paper and pencil in front of her.  I sat at the table with a newspaper to make sure she didn’t leave the room.

Finally, out of boredom, she chose to write the note.  The note can be done in five minutes or in two hours.  We are placing that decision to accept responsibility for their behavior on their shoulders.

Eventually the minutes spent choosing to write the note got to be less and less… as did the talking back.

That’s the “E” in I.C.E.  Letting them exercise their options and decision-making skills.  “If I talk back I am choosing to write.  It’s all about impulse control.

Oh, yes, there was the night my mouth got me to a point where I knew I had to sit and write a fifty-word note of apology to her.  Very humbling!

http://p911blog.org/

We have all experienced the times in life when you feel like someone just reached into your chest, ripped your heart out, and dropped it on the floor. You know those times when you feel like the deer caught in the headlights. The other day I walked in to pick my beautiful Gracie Beth up from school. When I entered the classroom she ran and jumped up into my arms like she was looking for safety. She squeezed tightly and buried her face into my neck. Needless to say I did the normal routine and signed her out, walking out told her how much I love and missed her, put her in the car and head to our next destination. On the way to our next destination she said these words, “daddy (the boy) told me I wasn’t beautiful”. At that moment I wanted to turn the car around and go have a talk with the boy. You may say that this is just a part of life but that one comment has changed my daughter and left me to pick up some pieces and teach her what true beauty is and where it comes from. You see I had to reassure her that not only was she beautiful and then share with her God’s idea of beauty. This however did not ease her wound like I thought it would. Already, the world, has taught her that beauty is physical first and all else second. When we arrived home that night she ran into her room and put on one of her princess dresses. I of course told her how beautiful she looked which made her feel a little better. Then she told me she wanted to wear it to school for the boy to see that she was beautiful. My heart hurt for her. But it got worse. Right before dinner I asked her to go change out of her dress. She looked at me and asked this question, “If I take my dress off will I still be beautiful”? My heart was on the floor as I kneeled down, took her in my arms, and reassured her that she would always be beautiful both on in the inside and out. As parents we face fierce battle for our kids minds and hearts. Prayerfully directing them back to how God views them and what He says is true beauty. Everything in society screams the opposite of God’s definition of love and beauty. Here are some ways we can give our daughter’s a fighting chance in understanding true beauty.

1. Take your daughter on Daddy Daughter Dates (open the door for her, pull out the chair, pray with her at meal time, share with her how much you love her for her and not because of what she does).
2. Pray with her and during your prayers emphasize God’s view of her.
3. Every day listen to her and ask specific questions to try and understand what she is thinking.
4. Treat your own wife with the love and respect God requires. This may seem like a no-brainer but remember that your child (ren) is watching.
5. Each month make a concerted effort to emphasize one character area that will help her focus upon God’s beauty.

Obviously this is not an end all be all list. However, we have to start somewhere and often time’s simplicity is the best option. I know that we are always looking to improve something within our self. Why not look beyond ourselves this year and see what we need to do for our kids. Fight for them.

Here is a must read from one of my friends, Jordan Stinziano, blogs. Check it out.

http://www.jordanstinziano.com/Site/The_Rant/Entries/2009/7/25_Clinging_to_the_Father.html

Friends,

I don’t have to tell you that signing up for this short-term investment could change your life.

If you haven’t joined a small group yet then what are you waiting for? We are saving a seat for you. Continue your spiritual growth by signing up for a Spring Small Group. There is still time to sign up! God is truly reaching down and meeting us on this journey called “life.” I have had the pleasure of hearing testimonies about how God is moving through our small groups. Take a moment and read some of the things people are saying about our small groups:

“I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to listen and offer words of wisdom and encouragement. I appreciate the guidance you provided. Thank you for helping me stay centered upon our amazing God! I am so grateful that you invited John and I to join this small group. It has been a blessing to us and has helped us connect with others in the church (isn’t that the great thing about small groups!!).”

“I must say…tonight’s meeting was my first “study” & it wasn’t at all what I expected. It was much better than I anticipated! I look forward to next week’s meeting already. Thank you again for picking me up & giving me a ride. I hope you have a relaxing evening & I look forward to Thursday night’s meeting.”

“Hi! This could not wait until our next small group meeting! We prayed for a lady named Ellen who was given just a few weeks to live because her cancer had returned and it was deemed inoperable…this afternoon, around 4pm, I received a call…there was no evidence of cancer! She knew our group was praying for her last evening and she woke up last night at 1am thinking she was in heaven for the first time for she was not in pain. She has had pancreatitis for some time as well and her pain could not be managed. This morning she remarked that she felt terrific! Thank you all for praying! Wow! Go-God! Makes me want to pray some more!”

As you can see God has moved in and through our small groups. I don’t have to tell you that signing up for this short-term investment could change your life. You will notice that in the spring we have a variety of topics to choose from. You can choose a group based on the location, day, and time that fits your schedule… and learn something new about a topic that interests you.

Spring Small Groups kick-off the week of February 7!

It’s easy to get connected to a great Small Group today:

1. Go to www.crosspointlive.com and click the small group tab at the top of the page. Then click the sign up button.
2. Sign up for the Small Group that fits your schedule, covers a topic that interests you, and is the type of group you are looking for (general, men’s, women’s, couples, etc.).
4. Click the “Join the group”
3. Have a blast attending your Small Group this spring!

*You can also sign up for a Small Group at any Crosspoint Sunday service.

Be sure to let me know if you have any questions or if I can serve you in any way. I hope you decide to get connected in a Small Group this spring!

See you on Sunday!

Pastor Brad

Society tells us that the family is being shattered and ripped apart. In the midst of the family decline I thought I would post 5 qualities that, if practiced,  will help our families grow stronger in the midst of great turmoil. There is reason to place hope back in the family if these 5 qualities are practiced.

Professor Nick Stinnett created an insightful study some years ago. Many different kinds of questions were asked to families from many backgrounds, cultures, and countries. His research represented a wide range of the families of humanity. What was his goal? He wanted to discover what makes a family strong.

Dr. Stinnett writes of his findings:

All together, we studied 3,000 families and collected a lot of information. But when we analyzed it all, we found six main qualities in strong families. Strong families:

•    are committed to the family,
•    spend time together,
•    have good family communication,
•    express appreciation to each other,
•    gave a spiritual commitment, and are able to solve problems in a crisis.¹

Take a moment and think about your family. Have you lost hope? Is your family to busy? Are you practicing these 5 qualities daily? When these qualities are put into practice the family will grow stronger. Maybe implementing these qualities, with the help of God, could even save your family from divorce. I challenge you to sit down with your spouse tonight and walk through these 5 qualities. It is time to make some changes. Do it today.

I have been trying to show Gracie-Beth that she is to be treasured and valued by all. The world we live in can often look at a woman as an object to be exploited. Little girls are taught what to wear to attract attention, to find their value in popularity and clothes, and to use the correct language. Women are devalued, called to compromise integrity, and then raped of their innocents. The sad part is that we, as parents, have or are allowing this to happen. We shove them into the latest trends of fashion, TV, or activity without a second thought. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying to shield our children from everything, but these things should never replace the practical lessons a parent can teach his/her child. So we need to carefully ask ourselves why we have our children in a certain activity, dressing a certain way, or encouraging them to watch certain TV shows or movies. We, as parents, have the blessing of building our children up through “teaching moments” that will help spurn them onto not only great things but self confident and valued children/adolescents/young adults/and adults. Allow me the chance to share just one key teaching moment that all parents should have with their daughters.

The other day I wanted to do something special for Gracie-Beth. In the past I have done things like play princess & prince with her (teaching her chivalry), taught her about honesty, and shown her what it means to be defended when picked on. We pray together and she asks for a blessing every night. The other day I picked her up from school and drove her to a flower shop. As soon as I pulled in to the parking lot, she immediately exclaimed, “It’s the castle with flowers in it!”

I looked at her and told her, “Gracie-Beth, Daddy wants to buy you a flower because I love you”.

It was at that moment, with her reaction, that I began to understand just how much my Gracie-Beth felt valued through a flower. The best way I can describe her reaction to even the thought of getting a flower is that everything in her body literally blushed from the inside out. My daughter was aglow. She put her hands over her face and acted shy. So I asked her what color flower she would like, to which of course, she said pink. We walked in and ordered her a pink rose and then mommy a dozen red roses. As we waited, we walked around the flower shop looking at all the beautiful flowers. I noticed the way she held my hand as we walked through the flower shop. It was very different from the way she holds my hand to cross the street. Instead, she grabbed my hand, and then with her other arm, grabbed my entire arm. It was as if she was a splint on my leg. She just wanted to be close to the one that valued her.

Isn’t that the way we are in life? We run towards those we value. As Christians, we should always be in a state of “closeness” with God. However, we find ourselves all too often running toward those things or people that make us temporarily feel good about ourselves. As I looked down at my daughter, I was reminded that I have the continued responsibility to teach her how to find her value in God. The best way for her to see and learn this is through this father demonstrating the value that God has placed upon her.

The roses were ready, so we paid for them and got back into the car. Noticing the importance of the moment, we talked about why Daddy gives Mommy flowers and why she is valued. All day long she showed everyone her rose. I know that I will not be able to shield her from all the cruel things in this world, but for this day, I saw her being loved and valued. Allow me to ask you a question as a parent…are you creating those “teaching moments” for your children? Do it today and it just may change your child’s life.

One of my hopes and dreams as a parent is to see my children fall in love with Jesus. Sabrena and I have never been overbearing with our children telling them they have to accept Jesus into their hearts or they will be in hell, be separated from us, or any other harsh thing parents may say to “get” their children to accept Jesus. Instead, we have just tried to model His love, not always perfect, and pass on that passion we have for Him. Jeremiah has been asking us a lot of questions about Jesus over the last 7 months. He has always said that he was not ready to ask Jesus into his heart. I wanted him to know that our love for him is not dependent upon whether he accepts Jesus or not.

The other night I was over at a good friend’s house. I received a phone call from Sabrena. Jeremiah had come out of his room and said he was ready to ask Jesus into his heart. Sabrena was blown away since this was so unexpected. I asked her what she said to him. She asked him why. He recalled all the important events and even got teary eyed when describing the cross, but joyful when describing the resurrection.  There was one catch. Jeremiah told her that he wanted to wait until daddy got home. So I hung up the phone and booked it home. What does a parent say to make sure their child understands? How does the parent know when the timing and heart of a child is right?

When I arrived home I got another brief account from Sabrena and then headed to his room. He still wanted to ask Jesus into his heart, so we walked out to the kitchen table. Sabrena, Gracie Beth, Jeremiah, Mojo (our mastiff), and myself were there ready to listen. I opened the Bible to John 3:16. The key to really knowing if a child is ready is to ask a lot of open-ended questions and to have the child explain it. I read him John 3:16 and ask him what each line meant. With great surprise and joy he was able to explain the verse (talked about sin and after the resurrection, he even went on to tell me there would be a new heaven and earth, lol). I sat there overwhelmed with joy and shocked that he could understand it so clearly as a child. I looked at Sabrena, who had tears streaming down her face, and said, “I think he is ready.”

Turning back to him I asked if He really wanted to ask Jesus into his heart. It was his choice. He said yes with this huge smile. He then crawled up on my lap and prayed, asking Jesus into his heart. When he said amen he gave me a joyful hug and then hugged Sabrena. He was so excited! I understand that his faith will continue to grow from concrete to abstract over time, but the innocence of coming to Jesus as a child was overwhelming. Oh, to have that heart and faith each day I am alive!

Our son did something wonderful the very next day. With great joy he walked up to the first kid he saw at school and told them he asked Jesus into his heart. The boy promptly stared at him and said he was weird…the journey begins.

Brad