I was reading Charles Swindoll’s top 10 Leadership Lessons and was struck by his humbling view of leadership. Take a moment and meditate upon these top 10 leadership lessons. Are they all prevelant in your life? Are you open? Have you been crushed? Does your attitude turn people off to the good news of Jesus?

October 9, 2009

Chuck Swindoll’s 10 Lifetime Leadership Lessons

by Drew Dyck

Chuck Swindoll was given a Lifetime Achievement Award at Catalyst 09, and spoke on “10 Things I Have Learned During Nearly 50 Years in Leadership”:

1) It’s lonely to lead. Leadership involves tough decisions. The tougher the decision, the lonelier it is.
2) It’s dangerous to succeed. I’m most concerned for those who aren’t even 30 and are very gifted and successful. Sometimes God uses someone right out of youth, but usually he uses leaders who have been crushed
3) It’s hardest at home. No one ever told me this in Seminary.
4) It’s essential to be real. If there’s one realm where phoniness is common, it’s among leaders. Stay real.
5) It’s painful to obey. The Lord will direct you to do some things that won’t be your choice. Invariably you will give up what you want to do for the cross.
6) Brokenness and failure are necessary.
7) Attititude is more important than actions. Your family may not have told you: some of you are hard to be around. A bad attitude overshadows good actions.
8 ) Integrity eclipse image. Today we highlight image. But it’s what you’re doing behind the scenes.
9) God’s way is better than my way.
10) Christlikeness begins and ends with humility.

Are you a “know-it-all” parent? Have you ever been humbled by your kid(s)? If you have never been humbled by your children, then you are an arrogant parent. Did I step on some toes? I hope so. Far to often we as parents attach our self-worth to our children. We push them to do the things that make us look good and overlook their developmental stages. There is something special about being a parent, which should strike a cord in us.

Jesus tells us that unless we come to him as a child then, we have not come to him at all (Matthew 18:1-6). Can you imagine what the parents had to be thinking? “Really? Them, Jesus”? They had to be thinking that they had it more together than a child. This verse should make us stop and wonder about our relationship with Jesus and our relationship to our children.

One of the special gifts that children often posses is their ability to ask for help. My children have no problem asking the “why” questions, or the questions that many of us take for granted. I am often humbled by the questions my children ask. Far to often I don’t even stop to think, “Why did they ask that?, or consider the driving force behind their question. Many times parents like to think they have it all together. Show me a parent that does not ask other parents for help or advice and I will show you a parent trying to play “superman” or one who thinks they are too good for wise counsel.

You might think that this is a little harsh.  I’ve seen in myself too many times that arrogance keeps me from seeking godly counsel from those who have gone before me. All throughout Scripture we see parents passing on key information on how to raise children. From where did they learn this key information? They were taught by their parents, and then they passed it on to their children and future generations. Only the arrogant person refuses to listen to those who have gone before them (Proverbs 4:7). I understand that there are some very bad parents in this world, but let that not be our excuse for not seeking godly counsel on how to raise our children.  I have been more humbled and died to self more through my short journey in parenthood than any other event(s) in my life. Allow me to encourage you to take a few steps as a parent that will benefit your children, as well as you as a parent.

1. Find a wise godly parent who has gone before you, humble yourself, and meet with them monthly, asking them questions on the different stages of your child. (Hint: Most people don’t listen to parenting advice from someone who acts like they have it all together)

2. As a family, set goals and priorities about which godly characteristic you want to instill within your child. Be simplistic.

3. Pray with your spouse for your children. Highlight those certain areas you have targeted as priority.

4. HAVE FUN with your child. There is so much pressure on children these days to grow up and become something. Allow them to see your joy in the Lord and not the hammer of approval all the time. They are, after all, children, and life is a process. Heck, many of us adults still act like spoiled children. Let them have that child-like faith in Jesus. Don’t quench it.

The other day I had an issue with one of my children talking back to me. As a parent, it is easy to take a shortcut and just immediately ground them or send them right away for their action. Allow me to share a blog from a man who has inspired me to be a better worker and father. Dr. Bob Barnes takes us through some practical steps of how to properly and successfully deal with a child who talks back. Take a moment and read these words of wisdom below.

As previously stated, you have a challenge with you eight year old talking back.  The first step is the parental staff meeting.  A meeting of the parents or parent to think through this behavior.

First: Is this a behavior we need to deal with: Yes.

Second: What is a corrective consequence for this behavior?

In our staff meeting we decided that we would respond to talking back by having the child sit at the kitchen table and write a fifty-word note of apology.

First step in the I.C.E. plan is the “I” for Instruction.

“Torrey, Mom and I have noticed that you have a tendency to talk back to us when you don’t like the decisions we are making.  Last night when we said that you needed to pick up those things on the floor and then it’s time to go get you shower, you responded by …” Help the child understand what talking back is.

From now on we’re going to help you not talk back.  If you start talking back one of us is going to give you a warning by holding up a finger.  If you stop, awesome!  If you don’t there will be a consequence.

Second step is the “C” for consequence…announcing the consequence.  “If you continue to talk back, even after the warning, you will end up sitting at the kitchen table writing a fifty word note of apology.”

Count on it.  Your child is awesome.  They will continue to talk back.  My daughter spends a couple hours sitting at the kitchen table one night with paper and pencil in front of her.  I sat at the table with a newspaper to make sure she didn’t leave the room.

Finally, out of boredom, she chose to write the note.  The note can be done in five minutes or in two hours.  We are placing that decision to accept responsibility for their behavior on their shoulders.

Eventually the minutes spent choosing to write the note got to be less and less… as did the talking back.

That’s the “E” in I.C.E.  Letting them exercise their options and decision-making skills.  “If I talk back I am choosing to write.  It’s all about impulse control.

Oh, yes, there was the night my mouth got me to a point where I knew I had to sit and write a fifty-word note of apology to her.  Very humbling!

http://p911blog.org/

We have all experienced the times in life when you feel like someone just reached into your chest, ripped your heart out, and dropped it on the floor. You know those times when you feel like the deer caught in the headlights. The other day I walked in to pick my beautiful Gracie Beth up from school. When I entered the classroom she ran and jumped up into my arms like she was looking for safety. She squeezed tightly and buried her face into my neck. Needless to say I did the normal routine and signed her out, walking out told her how much I love and missed her, put her in the car and head to our next destination. On the way to our next destination she said these words, “daddy (the boy) told me I wasn’t beautiful”. At that moment I wanted to turn the car around and go have a talk with the boy. You may say that this is just a part of life but that one comment has changed my daughter and left me to pick up some pieces and teach her what true beauty is and where it comes from. You see I had to reassure her that not only was she beautiful and then share with her God’s idea of beauty. This however did not ease her wound like I thought it would. Already, the world, has taught her that beauty is physical first and all else second. When we arrived home that night she ran into her room and put on one of her princess dresses. I of course told her how beautiful she looked which made her feel a little better. Then she told me she wanted to wear it to school for the boy to see that she was beautiful. My heart hurt for her. But it got worse. Right before dinner I asked her to go change out of her dress. She looked at me and asked this question, “If I take my dress off will I still be beautiful”? My heart was on the floor as I kneeled down, took her in my arms, and reassured her that she would always be beautiful both on in the inside and out. As parents we face fierce battle for our kids minds and hearts. Prayerfully directing them back to how God views them and what He says is true beauty. Everything in society screams the opposite of God’s definition of love and beauty. Here are some ways we can give our daughter’s a fighting chance in understanding true beauty.

1. Take your daughter on Daddy Daughter Dates (open the door for her, pull out the chair, pray with her at meal time, share with her how much you love her for her and not because of what she does).
2. Pray with her and during your prayers emphasize God’s view of her.
3. Every day listen to her and ask specific questions to try and understand what she is thinking.
4. Treat your own wife with the love and respect God requires. This may seem like a no-brainer but remember that your child (ren) is watching.
5. Each month make a concerted effort to emphasize one character area that will help her focus upon God’s beauty.

Obviously this is not an end all be all list. However, we have to start somewhere and often time’s simplicity is the best option. I know that we are always looking to improve something within our self. Why not look beyond ourselves this year and see what we need to do for our kids. Fight for them.